Dreams!!

The heart wants what it wants. But what if what the heart wants belongs to someone else? Well, I read somewhere that as long as they ain't married, everyone is fair game. You be the judge.

So I have this friend - a guy duh!!! *rolls eyes like a total 90's kid* -that I've liked since I was 21. I don't know what went through his mind first time we met but if the movie inside out is anything to go by there must have been something like this:

Fear: girl! Girl! Girl! Girl!

Joy: we could totally hit that and get lots and lots of joy * wink *wink

Disgust: Joy….no you didn't!

Anger: I think I'm gonna sit this one out!!

And then at the end of the conversation all emotions were in agreement - That girl can totally gerrit!

Ok I'm sure that's not how it went but it's definitely how it went down in my head….ok I left out the part where I was naming our babies Adrian, Allan, Araina and Siobhan - FYI the boys were tall and masculine with bald heads like their dad and loved their mom like crazy and the girls always took daddy's side and we were already having family vacations and….oh lord!! The dreams!!

Well as fate would have it all we were 'just friends' for the longest time. A blind man could see the sexual tension between us but to be honest nothing happened…apart from a brief mako it session when we were kinda high on something….maybe weed …I don't know.

Well finally a day comes and the time is right and the sky is blue and the weather is just perfect and there's n traffic on Mombasa road and the water pressure is enough to turn on the instant shower and the building caretaker isn't asking you about some underwear that fell off your hanging lines and the boss decides you I can all leave work 30 minutes early and this sentence is getting pretty long.  All I'm trying to say is that everything seems to be perfect, except for the fact that I didn't do the dishes in the morning - the phone rings - he's coming over.

The heart finally gets what it wants  - perfection would be the understatement of the century!!! It's euphoric and exactly how you wanted your first time to be -  is it just me or a first times usually a disappointment! You imagine this magical thing then it just shows up like a beggar dressed in something Kanye's clothing line!! I digress….It was perfect!!

Then he leaves - and I couldn't thinks straight for days !!!

And now you start thinking about how you would be the kind of woman his family adores because in your head he's perfect… He could ask you to stay at home and take care of his kids and you would take that as a complement. You could go to cooking school for him just to learn how to salt his food right. You think to yourself I could so be a proverbs 31 woman to this guy without even trying….I would so let him be the head without even thinking about it because he so deserves its…the dreams!!!

Then the demon called social media creeps in… And you discover the horrifying truth - when he put up his relationship status as engaged….he actually meant it!!!

You get a million mini heart attacks and you want to cause a tantrum then remember…he's just a friend you got dirty with…you have no right to even eat comfort food about it - I still ate a lot of pizza and ice cream though!!!

Then comes the crazy thought from the train of thought - mwanamume  ni wako akiwa kwako.

So anyone up for eating comfort in the name of nursing major  mini heartbreaks holla at  your girl…every time is pizza time!!!

PS: I only just realized how dramatic the title was so I changed it to make it a little less dramatic!!

Those Days

There are days when you wake up and it feels like the world is under your feet - nothing can stop you; not even a hurricane. Then there are days when you feel like you are the hurricane and you can destroy anything that comes along your path.

There are days when you love everything and everyone, when everything is rosy - every baby is cute and you only seem to meet hot guys. Then there are days when even the sun doesn't seem to shine bright enough and the night is not dark enough and everything just sucks.

There are days when you meet that guy in the office and he seems like everything you ever wanted in a guy even though he is so married with kids and another baby on the way. You look at him and all you can think about are all the scandalous things you would do with him if a miracle power blackout just happens to occur. On such days even a brush of his clothing on your skin could get you pregnant with twins. Conversations with him seem so enlightening and you don't even notice his seriously messed up accent - or how fluoride from Nakuru tap water discolored his teeth.

Then comes the days when you look at him and wonder what you ever saw in the guy to begin with!! His teeth suddenly repulse you and his breath makes you want to throw up.  His teeth are suddenly too brown and he walks like a zebra… or maybe a fat chicken…I can't decide which. On that day his accent is such a turn off and everything he says is sounds completely shallow. A look at him starts giving you ideas of what kind of makeover would be cheapest to award him because even the simplest would cost a fortune.  On such days, murder is not too far from your thoughts.. Or maybe it's manslaughter… Because it's not premeditated, it's just a moment of emotion where you feel you need to rid the world of such unsightly wardrobe choices.

There are good days and bad days ….happy days and sad days…days full of love and days when all you feel is rage…

But my most favorite are the days when you don't feel so hot but it seems every guy in the congregation seems to think you are the hottest thing after the invention of coffee. You have almost 10 random people asking for your number -regardless of who they are - FYI some of them could be security guards or the local butcher. Who cares? They are people and they make you feel valid once in a while.

I digress…we were talking about the married guy you want to have scandalous office  affair with. He is not hot because he is not the sun; he is not spicy because no one has ever really tasted his flesh. You need to stop…ok maybe not immediately . Enjoy a kiss or two on behalf of all the ladies he ignored in the office..then dump his ass and tell everyone how lousy and 'small' he is.

I digress further….it is just one of those days. Those days when all you want to do is be random…and all you produce is randomness.